Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why do cheetos always look like penises
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
