I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
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Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
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It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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