Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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