You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
this is an emotional support booty call
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
