Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
