Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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