it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
