Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
