It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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