I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
