I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
