C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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