Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!