You made me cry and you don't even care
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
this boner is exhausting
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.