last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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