Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles

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  (412): i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles http://tfl.nu/39eh
  Replies (19) Good night (4480) Bad night (663)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.

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  (720): I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English. http://tfl.nu/7f6h
  Replies (10) Good night (5569) Bad night (1030)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night

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  (715): sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night http://tfl.nu/ih63
  Replies (5) Good night (4700) Bad night (846)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.

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  (636): Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often. http://tfl.nu/ixlv
  Replies (15) Good night (4672) Bad night (780)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her

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  (336): We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her http://tfl.nu/niqc
  Replies (14) Good night (1555) Bad night (5580)
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  (716): View more from New York

  He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid

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  (716): He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid http://tfl.nu/btyl
  Replies (22) Good night (4751) Bad night (2279)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.

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  (620): I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks. http://tfl.nu/lsv9
  Replies (12) Good night (6183) Bad night (1048)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.

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  (253): Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real. http://tfl.nu/8edz
  Replies (7) Good night (2623) Bad night (940)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING

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  (320): don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING http://tfl.nu/kogd
  Replies (7) Good night (3259) Bad night (775)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."

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  (215): What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller." http://tfl.nu/x4em
  Replies (21) Good night (3014) Bad night (1017)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.

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  (417): Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week. http://tfl.nu/s5do
  Replies (1) Good night (668) Bad night (917)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?

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  (940): Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments? http://tfl.nu/lsft
  Replies (3) Good night (1265) Bad night (655)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.

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  (804): The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it. http://tfl.nu/wu4y
  Replies (1) Good night (416) Bad night (507)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.

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  (662): Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know. http://tfl.nu/ri8v
  Replies (2) Good night (556) Bad night (226)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.

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  (941): Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you. http://tfl.nu/c2ul
  Replies (0) Good night (549) Bad night (346)

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