So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You are a genius and a whore.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
