Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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