Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
