i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
