Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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