You can't special order awesome
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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