just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
