never play flip cup with pint glasses
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
