NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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