just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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