let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize