Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
