it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
