I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
