I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
