wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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