Just cropdusted the office
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize