Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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