I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
