mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she pinky promised me she was 18
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
