somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
