Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
