the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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