That's when you crack a 10am beer
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
