If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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