a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This baby is an asshole
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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