wrigley field is MILF paradise
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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