Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
