I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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