Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
