Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
ok first of all what the fuck
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
