my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
