dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i think i just lost a toe
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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