He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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