after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
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Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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