Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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