Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
