Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
