a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just invented taco cereal.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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