Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
