Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
