all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
