you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
