My girlfriend figured out who you are.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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