this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
