Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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