dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
