If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
