I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I love having hate sex.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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