My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
