He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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