I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
