I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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