You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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