Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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