Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
