but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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