Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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