if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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