Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
