Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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