I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
